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  • Writer's pictureLaine G

Where am I heading?

Dear reader,

I keep forgetting to write and post things here.... I always say "I'll do it in a bit/later." But life happens and you forget, you know what I mean?

I recently officially graduated university. I had the walk, went to the ceremony, wore a cap and gown and let me tell you... it was so much fun! Someone once told me, "If you're not going to the ceremony, at least do something that day to make it unforgivable, whether you go to Grad school after it or not, you only graduate once, make it unforgivable." Though, personally, I didn't wanted to miss the ceremony, mostly because it has taken me so long to get to this point, I wanted to be a part of the celebration.

But now, the question of the hour... What am I going to do now?

Well, in all honesty, I'm asking myself the same thing. Do I want to go to grad school? If so, what do I want to continue my studies on? Do I want to stay only with a B.A?

One thing I have clear in my mind is to be an author, I currently have five books on hold, fully started and yet not finished. But I also don't want to stay where I'm at. I believe I've mentioned that I currently work at a dog daycare. I love it there, the dogs are amazing, so much fun, and yet for someone who's calm like me, there are some dogs who are very energetic, but manageable. But it's definitely not a place where I see myself grow, nor do I even want to stay there. Searching for a job is very hard, not much of the searching part, but mostly, the rejection of every job I've been applying since January (it's been 6 months). Everyone has made it look very easy to get a job. All of my friends had work once they graduated, or well, at least the ones back home. It really has been taking a toll on me, made me ask myself if I did the right thing on following my dream to be a writer instead of staying in Industrial Design. Made me hate myself for not pushing myself more to sleep less. Working full time to be able to pay rent and food, while being a full time college student, it made me wish to had pushed myself to attend an internship. At what time? Who knows, but I could've found a way. And yet, I didn't, I don't have experience, and every company has been reminding me of that every time they reject me.

Sorry, companies, for not having experience or had started working since I was 10 in order to have "experience". Why not instead of saying "Entry-level" truly keep to your word and accept entry level employees. Give us the experience you so much search for. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has been or had struggled with this, not everyone can afford college, not everyone can afford an unpaid internship.

My dad asked me if I really wanted to go to Grad school after this and I simply answered, "I would, only to get a job and earn more money, not because I want to." And now that I think about it, it hurts, you know? It hurts that not only me but others come to that point of doing things not because we love or enjoy it but because we have to in order to succeed. But whether I'm going or not, I'm still deciding. I'm not sure if I want to get more into debt, nor am I not sure if I want to go into Administration or Law. Though, I think I would make a very good lawyer, even though I'm an introvert, I am independent and used to helping others.

What about you, dear reader? Have you given up on your dream in order to gain stability? Or did you decide to struggle for a bit but remain on your dreams?


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